ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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