thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
