I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
