The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
two words: eviction party
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
