Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
