Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Floor bacon is actually really good
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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