she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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