She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
should my penis look like a turkey
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
