Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
