Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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