Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
