you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
