wanna go halves on a baby?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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