You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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