I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
