ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
