Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
