Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
