How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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