Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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