it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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