we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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