I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
