Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
