my shit smells like andre
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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