wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
