its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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