I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
