I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
