When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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