Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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