Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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