I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
this is an emotional support booty call
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
