Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
