Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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