I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
