You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
