I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
