so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
