Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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