I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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