i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
