I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
