I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
