how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
