just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
