So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
