why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
