I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
