the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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