my sisters under your porch take her home
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
